Article V:  Changing Negative Messages:
Personal Empowerment Through Weight Training Series

Beginning in March 2005, Reneé Baisque will be offering Bombshell Buff Fitness Seminars and training packages in Southern California! She is available for one-on-one and group consultations. To reach her, please email BombshellBuff and reference "Getting Gorgeous" in the subject line!

Sometimes inspiration comes from the least likely places, as is the case with the final installation of Bombshell Buff articles.  I’ve recently “broken up” with someone I thought was a very good girlfriend of mine and while the loss of a friendship is always difficult to endure the loss of a toxic relationship is far more beneficial than trying to salvage the situation.  Undoubtedly we’ve all got issues, negative messages hardwired into our brains, and things we wish had gone unsaid or undone.  Life’s tough that way and if we’re lucky our parents gave us the necessary tools to make it through difficult situations either unscathed or wiser for the ride.  The unfortunate fact is that many of us don’t have those tools or in spite of developing a thick skin have succumbed to toxic relationships and the negative messages they poison us with. 

 

Meet Negativity Head On

Bombshell Buff Fitness Article Series
Series Title:	Personal Empowerment Through Weight Training
Author:	Reneé Baisque
Author Credentials:	Fitness Model, National Physique Competitor, Personal Trainer, Fitness Seminar Speaker/Instructor, and professional chef.
Disclaimer:	The author in no way suggests that any form of disordered eating can be handled with diet and exercise alone.  It is highly recommended that anyone with disordered eating patterns seek professional medical care to assist in solving the underlying issues surrounding their condition.  If you or a loved one are in need of a medical referral or emotional support please visit www.nationaleatingdisorders.org or www.something-fishy.org a non-profit website devoted to awareness and support for those suffering from the disordered eating..  Please consult with a physician before beginning any new nutritional or exercise regiment.

The key to overcoming negative messages is meeting them head on rather than trying to avoid them.  Process what was said to you and understand that while you may have pushed it down and repressed it nothing will make it just go away you will inevitably have to deal with it.  You don’t need to constantly replay the message in your mind and obsess on it but make an effort to understand why and how it hurt you and how it affects your every day life.  Is it causing you to engage in emotional eating?  Avoid food altogether?  Or cause yourself emotional pain by trying desperately to become “perfect” or “invisible”?  These are all serious issues that need to be addressed and sometimes no amount of talking yourself down from them will help and you need to reach out to others.  Countering these negative messages with positive messages about yourself in a safe environment is a great step in changing those messages once and for all.  During a step class, cardio-kick or spinning enjoy the company of others and think positive thoughts about how great this workout is for your body, how strong it’s making your heart, how healthy it’s making your entire body, and how it’s one more step closer to achieving your goals.  Those negative messages don’t have to come pouring back when you’re workout is done though, go home and set yourself up for a long bath with eucalyptus and rosemary oils, good music, or some mindless perusal of fashion magazines. 

 

Constructive Criticism Of Toxic Behavior

While you’re processing the messages take a look at them and consider whether or not they’re constructive criticism coming from a person who simply doesn’t deal well with others and has an abrasive manner.  Many times people unintentionally say unkind things when trying to offer up constructive criticism.  Think about what was said and ask yourself if there is anything that can be gained from their statement.  Clearly the statement, “that dress makes you look heavy” can be an uncouth person’s way of saying “you might look better in something else”.  But it can also be the only way a toxic person knows how to express their inner anger, sadness or depression.  Many times people who are simply horrid at giving constructive criticism can be dealt with as easily as letting them know what they’re doing is hurtful and that they’re company would be much more pleasant if they’d lay off all the negativity.  If they still can’t seem to keep they’re lip buttoned around you let them know that they need to make an effort from then on to avoid you, and not the other way around.  You shouldn’t have to compromise your routine simply because of their personal problems.  Simply standing up for yourself is an amazing step toward personal empowerment.

 

Break The Cycle Of Abuse

It’s key for us to realize that many of the negative messages we receive from others are coming from a cycle of learned abuses and we can refuse to participate in that cycle by refusing to listen, believe or perpetuate the messages coming from toxic people.  Sit with the feelings, process them and allow them their own time and place.  Letting them fester and not dealing with them causes them to grow into painful wounds that only crop up later in life.  So set aside say 30 minutes of alone time and think about what was said to you.  Why does it hurt so much and what can you do to change that feeling of hurt?  Journaling about the feeling can be a big help in getting the negative feelings out.  Once that time is up get up and do something productive that makes you feel good about yourself.  Working out, getting your nails done, going shoe shopping.  Fun things  just for you and non-destructive help you to regain the sense of power those negative messages try to take away.  So go ahead and take that three-hour bubble bath but forgo the wine since one or two may help you unwind but two can easily slip into a couple bottles and a hangover’s never made anyone feel better. 

 

Use Methods Of Safe Confrontation 

If you’re in a position where you can directly let the person know that they’ve hurt your feelings then do so.  It’ll make you feel far better than letting it go and kicking yourself later for not saying something.  But don’t turn that hurt outwards onto them.  All they need to know is that you’re hurt by their words and won’t retaliate or indulge them by returning the hurtful words rather you want nothing more to do with the situation.  If it’s habitual behavior it’s best to get out of the situation for good otherwise walk away and don’t discuss the issue any further.  Most times the person who’s unloaded the negative messages on you won’t let you speak and will continually talk over you while you state your case.  This is fine.  The fact is that you know you said your peace and now you can move on.  If the negative messages are coming from the past your best bet is to journal about them and work things out on paper.  Once they’re no longer in your mind and take a physical manifestation you don’t need to carry them around anymore.  You can return to the journal any time you need to work it out, but once it’s on paper you never have to live it again.  In extreme cases you can make an appointment to speak with a therapist and work out particular issues if you find them consuming your life.

 

Sometimes The Best Recourse Is None At All

It sounds defeatist but sometimes there is simply nothing you can do or say that is going to make you feel any better about a situation and it just needs time to pass.  Arguing a point even one that you feel passionately about may get you nowhere at all if you aren’t dealing with a rational person.  Accept that you cannot argue or change the mind of an irrational person because they aren’t coming from a rational place.  Telling a person who has experienced severe abuses (be they emotional, physical, or verbal) which they have not properly healed from that you will not accept their behavior or making an effort in any way to reason with them may only make them angry and defensive and will yield absolutely no results.  Walk away, refuse to take part in it ever again, and congratulate yourself on getting one huge step closer to a healthier mind and body.

 

Ultimately it’s your decision on whether or not to allow negative messages to control our lives is the choice between what we choose to believe and what exists in reality.  Maintaining a positive attitude and keeping a list of motivational messages about yourself and your goals in your journal is a great way to combat negative messages on a daily basis.  As you watch your body change over the course of your new weight training regiment your internal self and mindset will begin to change right along with it and that translates into the realistic reflection of yourself that you put forth in your everyday life.  The new image your now working toward, the realistic one of the new woman your about to become is all yours if you’re ready to put the effort forth to create it.  The fact is that stars are made not born and it’s never too late to embrace a new you.  I’m here for you, Bombshell Buff Fitness is here for you and rest assured that the woman you see in the mirror every morning from now on is a work in progress so be kind to her –she’s on her way to Bombshell Buff status and deserving of all the good things that healthy living has to offer!

 

---

Please read our guidelines before contacting us about reciprocal links, or click here for advertisement rates.

Link to us
Title: Beginning Weight Lifting program
URL: http://www.womensexercisenetwork.com/weight-lifting/beginners.html
Description: specifically written for women over 30 who are not currently on an exercise routine. You will learn to lift weights (without gym fees and spending less than $5 on equipment), and stick with your routine to lose weight and tone your body. Did you know that your muscles burn calories 24 hours a day?